Have you ever spent time watching a Soap Opera – either on a regular basis or as a one-time thing? As a teen girl I, and about every other girl I knew, watched one of them on a regular basis. For the life of me I can’t figure out why now. Or can I? As I stopped to think about it I realized it was because at that age “high drama=cool grown-up.” Don’t laugh, I’m sure it’s true!!! The soaps are full of high drama; drama in dating relationships, friendships, business, even parenting.
In high school everything was a major dramatic moment because you were 1) learning how to deal with dating, friendships, college, and life on an entirely different level and 2) drama made us cool by giving us fun and exciting stories for people to listen to and that made us feel wonderful and grown-up.
Can it go too far? Think about those you knew in high school that were “drama queens” – socially, emotionally immature seeking to feel and be recognized as cool and grown-up. Sadly many drama queens go on to become full-blown “drama junkies.” Yes, it can go too far. They live their lives in a constant state of dramatic upheaval and when they don’t have natural, albeit blown out of proportion, drama - they create it.
I know a guy who tells the greatest stories. One time he told me that he often takes things out of the original story or event, adds things in, or changes the order to make them more entertaining for the listener. Huh?! Interesting. I wondered how much of what he had told me over the years was actually true. More importantly, why did he do this. Well, he was a teenage Drama King who never matured and became a full-blown drama junkie. He is stuck in that cycle of needing high drama to feel cool and grown-up.
I was somewhat shocked with this realization. He's a respected professional. He's a family man. Everyone loves him. But when you look down deep enough, through all those external layers, there it is. The ugly truth. Drama Junkie.
It wasn't long ago that I got my opportunity to find out the extent of this. To shorten a rather long and potentially dull story, I shared something with him in confidence which he told to my pastor BUT left out many details making it seem as though I was blaming him (the pastor) for a situation/incident that I actually was blaming myself for. The drama that ensued can only be summed up with an adolescent OMG.
Of course, I tried to set it straight but damage is damage. I wonder now how many other lies and misdirected truths were told about me by this junkie.
So, what do we do about the drama junkies in our lives? I don't really know. So, I will continue to pray for himto mature, pray for them to find another outlet and another way to bolster their self-esteem, self-respect, and self-efficacy. But moost of all, I will give him nothing upon which to build his dramatic moment.
I'm accepting other ideas...
Until then, we are The Bold and The Beautiful, The Young and The Restless. As The World Turn, these are the Days of Our Lives so following your Guiding Light.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Friendship Authenticity
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Friendship Authenticity
Do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” (title, position, social status) or on “who they ARE” (values, beliefs, personality)? And how do they choose you?
Facebook has been a really fun way to connect with friends and reconnect with past acquaintances. A day or so ago, a high school friend commented on my status and shared with me that she is now a “Brand Strategist.” I was fascinated…never knew such a field existed. So, I sought to find out more and in doing so ran across this quote from her, which I love, and hope she doesn’t mind my borrowing for this note.
“I believe that authenticity connects a brand with its audiences. If, as a business, you know your own truth – your vision, your reason for being, your essence – and you do everything in a way that brings that truth to light, the right people will be attracted.” – Nila Neally, Certified Brand Strategist; Element Three
I love this quote for several reasons. One, because our institution is going through branding right now and this gets at the core of what we have been working for and two, as my brain was chugging away I began to see that this quote is very appropriate not just for businesses but for us as individuals. Bear with me please as it this aspect I want to write about. What is it that we all seek in our relationships? We seek friendship and partners that are genuine, faithful, and dependable. We seek legitimate relationships that validate us. We seek authenticity and only through it can we truly connect with another.
How then do we go about finding those authentic relationships? First, I believe we have to know who we truly are. We have to dig down through all the layers of our personality, experiences, beliefs, values, and preferences. We need to look at who we are when nobody is looking and find our truth. To go back to Neally’s quote, we have to find and know “(our) vision, (our) reason for being, (our) essence.” We may not like what we find there. If we don’t, then we have to change it or live with it. (Change is difficult and we face challenges in changing not only from within but from others who attempt to suppress change and growth. But that’s a topic for another day.)
Second, everything that we do should reflect that truth. It should reflect the essence of who we are. Regardless of where we are or who we are with, if we are being authentic our true essence will flow through. Do we pray when we eat at home with our families or are out with “church friends” but not if we are alone or with our “neighborhood friends?” Do we talk meanly about Jane Doe to those we pull close and call “Leadership” or our “BFF’s” and then preach/teach/say that this behavior is wrong and that we don’t participate in it? Do we cut others off in traffic and add a one finger salute and then complain about angry drivers aiding in the degradation of a once genteel society? Everything we do, when others are watching and when we are alone, should reflect the essence of who we are at our core.
Finally, I believe that essence will act as a magnet ---attracting the right people (Neally) and repelling the wrong people. Let’s be honest here, some relationships aren’t going to work. Take oil and water, they just don’t mix. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t have a symbiotic (cooperative) relationship. Consider again the oil and water, what is the best way to keep water from boiling over? Add oil. Perhaps not the strongest of examples, but you get the point.
Again I ask, do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” or on “who they ARE”? And how do they choose you?
Be authentic and seek authenticity.
Blessings,
Jo
Friendship Authenticity
Do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” (title, position, social status) or on “who they ARE” (values, beliefs, personality)? And how do they choose you?
Facebook has been a really fun way to connect with friends and reconnect with past acquaintances. A day or so ago, a high school friend commented on my status and shared with me that she is now a “Brand Strategist.” I was fascinated…never knew such a field existed. So, I sought to find out more and in doing so ran across this quote from her, which I love, and hope she doesn’t mind my borrowing for this note.
“I believe that authenticity connects a brand with its audiences. If, as a business, you know your own truth – your vision, your reason for being, your essence – and you do everything in a way that brings that truth to light, the right people will be attracted.” – Nila Neally, Certified Brand Strategist; Element Three
I love this quote for several reasons. One, because our institution is going through branding right now and this gets at the core of what we have been working for and two, as my brain was chugging away I began to see that this quote is very appropriate not just for businesses but for us as individuals. Bear with me please as it this aspect I want to write about. What is it that we all seek in our relationships? We seek friendship and partners that are genuine, faithful, and dependable. We seek legitimate relationships that validate us. We seek authenticity and only through it can we truly connect with another.
How then do we go about finding those authentic relationships? First, I believe we have to know who we truly are. We have to dig down through all the layers of our personality, experiences, beliefs, values, and preferences. We need to look at who we are when nobody is looking and find our truth. To go back to Neally’s quote, we have to find and know “(our) vision, (our) reason for being, (our) essence.” We may not like what we find there. If we don’t, then we have to change it or live with it. (Change is difficult and we face challenges in changing not only from within but from others who attempt to suppress change and growth. But that’s a topic for another day.)
Second, everything that we do should reflect that truth. It should reflect the essence of who we are. Regardless of where we are or who we are with, if we are being authentic our true essence will flow through. Do we pray when we eat at home with our families or are out with “church friends” but not if we are alone or with our “neighborhood friends?” Do we talk meanly about Jane Doe to those we pull close and call “Leadership” or our “BFF’s” and then preach/teach/say that this behavior is wrong and that we don’t participate in it? Do we cut others off in traffic and add a one finger salute and then complain about angry drivers aiding in the degradation of a once genteel society? Everything we do, when others are watching and when we are alone, should reflect the essence of who we are at our core.
Finally, I believe that essence will act as a magnet ---attracting the right people (Neally) and repelling the wrong people. Let’s be honest here, some relationships aren’t going to work. Take oil and water, they just don’t mix. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t have a symbiotic (cooperative) relationship. Consider again the oil and water, what is the best way to keep water from boiling over? Add oil. Perhaps not the strongest of examples, but you get the point.
Again I ask, do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” or on “who they ARE”? And how do they choose you?
Be authentic and seek authenticity.
Blessings,
Jo
The Donkey and the Farmer: What are you shoveling?
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Donkey and The Farmer: What are you shoveling?
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all of his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! (Author Unknown)
Recently I learned that a couple of people I know have been shoveling a stinky pile of dirt at me, on me and my family, and at anyone who may know us. Dirt based upon half-truths, one side of a story, manipulation, and a divisive evil spirit coming from persons that are afraid and insecure. This was very upsetting to me and I wanted to "get back" at them. But then I remembered that vengeance is God's…not mine. God has a plan for me and my family. I will continue to be me and continue to live my life for the Lord. I won't be perfect…and I will make mistakes. (I have made mistakes and I am on a mission to set them right.)
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping and never giving up!
Friends, shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules for a happy life:
1) Free your heart from hatred – forgive.
2) Free your mind from worries – most never happen.
3) Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4) Give more.
5) Expect less.
Now, the real ending for the donkey story goes like this… The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. The moral: When you do something wrong and try to cover you're a@@, it always comes back to bite you.
There's some truth there too!
Blessings!
The Donkey and The Farmer: What are you shoveling?
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all of his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! (Author Unknown)
Recently I learned that a couple of people I know have been shoveling a stinky pile of dirt at me, on me and my family, and at anyone who may know us. Dirt based upon half-truths, one side of a story, manipulation, and a divisive evil spirit coming from persons that are afraid and insecure. This was very upsetting to me and I wanted to "get back" at them. But then I remembered that vengeance is God's…not mine. God has a plan for me and my family. I will continue to be me and continue to live my life for the Lord. I won't be perfect…and I will make mistakes. (I have made mistakes and I am on a mission to set them right.)
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping and never giving up!
Friends, shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules for a happy life:
1) Free your heart from hatred – forgive.
2) Free your mind from worries – most never happen.
3) Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4) Give more.
5) Expect less.
Now, the real ending for the donkey story goes like this… The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. The moral: When you do something wrong and try to cover you're a@@, it always comes back to bite you.
There's some truth there too!
Blessings!
What are you hiding from?
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
What are you hiding from?
We all do it. Some of us are brave and admit to it and others deny it even to themselves. But we all do it. We all hide from something.
We hide behind labels such as athlete, former athlete, cheerleader, brainiac, etc. We hide behind roles such as parent, boss, pastor, senator, teacher, guard, etc. We hide behind attributes such as intellect, wisdom, ability level, faith, etc.
How do we hide? Let me give a few examples. Consider the athlete/cheerleader that downplays his/her intelligence so he/she can fit the stereotypical jock/cheerleader role. Or the pastor/christian that preaches/talks one thing on Sunday and does another the other six days of the week? Or the senator that makes promises on the way up but doen't fulfill them because others or "the position" won't allow it. We could go on and on...
Why do we hide? I don't know. I think it's different for each person. However, I believe that at the core of it is fear. Fear of being different, fear of failure, fear of not being perfect, fear of... It all comes down to fear.
Does it matter? Yes, I believe it does. God has called each one of us to represent Him here on earth. If we are hiding (from fear), then we are not representing Him. There are many scriptures that would fit here, but let's look at Philippians 1:27. It says, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." (NIV) I added the bold and underline to bring out the point, we are to conduct ourselves in a specific manner; worthy of Christ.
How do we stop hiding? Well, I don't have all the answers. But I think we first have to stop hiding behind our labels, roles, and attributes. Second, we have to apologize to those we know we have hurt. Third, we must move on boldly and live our life for the Lord. No more hiding...no more allowing fear to rule who we are. We must allow our lives to demonstrate an outward state of an inward change.
Here's to living our lives out in the open for Christ!
What are you hiding from?
We all do it. Some of us are brave and admit to it and others deny it even to themselves. But we all do it. We all hide from something.
We hide behind labels such as athlete, former athlete, cheerleader, brainiac, etc. We hide behind roles such as parent, boss, pastor, senator, teacher, guard, etc. We hide behind attributes such as intellect, wisdom, ability level, faith, etc.
How do we hide? Let me give a few examples. Consider the athlete/cheerleader that downplays his/her intelligence so he/she can fit the stereotypical jock/cheerleader role. Or the pastor/christian that preaches/talks one thing on Sunday and does another the other six days of the week? Or the senator that makes promises on the way up but doen't fulfill them because others or "the position" won't allow it. We could go on and on...
Why do we hide? I don't know. I think it's different for each person. However, I believe that at the core of it is fear. Fear of being different, fear of failure, fear of not being perfect, fear of... It all comes down to fear.
Does it matter? Yes, I believe it does. God has called each one of us to represent Him here on earth. If we are hiding (from fear), then we are not representing Him. There are many scriptures that would fit here, but let's look at Philippians 1:27. It says, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." (NIV) I added the bold and underline to bring out the point, we are to conduct ourselves in a specific manner; worthy of Christ.
How do we stop hiding? Well, I don't have all the answers. But I think we first have to stop hiding behind our labels, roles, and attributes. Second, we have to apologize to those we know we have hurt. Third, we must move on boldly and live our life for the Lord. No more hiding...no more allowing fear to rule who we are. We must allow our lives to demonstrate an outward state of an inward change.
Here's to living our lives out in the open for Christ!
Happiness is...
Friday, June 06, 2008
Happiness is...
Happiness is...
...to know the Lord
...to look at your husband and fall in love all over again
...a slobbery kiss from your baby
...to see your child who has struggled have tremendous success
...to feel the freedom of forgiveness
...to know your child actually got the point
...feeling your husbands arms tightly around you
...waking up to watch your husband sleep
...watching your husband and son play a game of football
...seeing the wonder of your baby touching a bright pink flower
...suddenly realizing your little girls are young ladies
...discovering a new passion
...seeing God's hand and His blessing in your life
...having a good workout
...finding a new hobby
...watching old movies on a rainy day with the whole family
...a lively game of capture the flag
...singing and dancing in the rain
...family traditions
Happiness is a heart and life filled with giving and receiving love.
Happiness is...
Happiness is...
...to know the Lord
...to look at your husband and fall in love all over again
...a slobbery kiss from your baby
...to see your child who has struggled have tremendous success
...to feel the freedom of forgiveness
...to know your child actually got the point
...feeling your husbands arms tightly around you
...waking up to watch your husband sleep
...watching your husband and son play a game of football
...seeing the wonder of your baby touching a bright pink flower
...suddenly realizing your little girls are young ladies
...discovering a new passion
...seeing God's hand and His blessing in your life
...having a good workout
...finding a new hobby
...watching old movies on a rainy day with the whole family
...a lively game of capture the flag
...singing and dancing in the rain
...family traditions
Happiness is a heart and life filled with giving and receiving love.
To Million Minutes
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Two Million Minutes
I recently watched a documentary called 2 Million Minutes that chronicles the lives of students from the US, China, and India. (Very good - I bought it!) This led me to thinking about time, the passage of time, and what we are doing with it.
We tend to spend our time either saying "where did the day go; time flies" or "this day is dragging; I wish it would go faster." Ultimately we are ignoring those valuable minutes as they pass steadily by.
Each day we find ourselves caught up in the drama that it brings. Don't kid yourself, everyone gets caught up. No one, and I do mean no one, is immune. From the drama of "oh no, we're out of coffee" to "traffic was hideous today" to "I didn't study for my test" to "If my boss asks me to do one more thing" to "no one appreciates me" to "I did that better than anyone ever could" to "everyone loves me" to "I'm the most amazing thing I've ever seen" to "people need to be told how to treat me" to etc., etc., etc. You get the point. We make a federal case out of every little insignificant detail of our lives. Why? Where is the value in that?
We each need to ask ourselves, what are we doing with our minutes. Are we enriching lives? Are we making the world a better place? Are we giving freely? Are we living life to the fullest? Are we honoring God? Shifting our focus from the self-centered "I" to those around us and those in our lives will completely change the way we live; choosing to see the good in our days and in those around us.
If we live to be 70 years old (and if the math is correct), we will have spent 1,931,184,000 minutes on this earth. What will we have to show for those valuable minutes? Together, let's see the beauty, reach out to others, and make a difference in the world and in the lives of those around us.
May God bless your every minute!
Two Million Minutes
I recently watched a documentary called 2 Million Minutes that chronicles the lives of students from the US, China, and India. (Very good - I bought it!) This led me to thinking about time, the passage of time, and what we are doing with it.
We tend to spend our time either saying "where did the day go; time flies" or "this day is dragging; I wish it would go faster." Ultimately we are ignoring those valuable minutes as they pass steadily by.
Each day we find ourselves caught up in the drama that it brings. Don't kid yourself, everyone gets caught up. No one, and I do mean no one, is immune. From the drama of "oh no, we're out of coffee" to "traffic was hideous today" to "I didn't study for my test" to "If my boss asks me to do one more thing" to "no one appreciates me" to "I did that better than anyone ever could" to "everyone loves me" to "I'm the most amazing thing I've ever seen" to "people need to be told how to treat me" to etc., etc., etc. You get the point. We make a federal case out of every little insignificant detail of our lives. Why? Where is the value in that?
We each need to ask ourselves, what are we doing with our minutes. Are we enriching lives? Are we making the world a better place? Are we giving freely? Are we living life to the fullest? Are we honoring God? Shifting our focus from the self-centered "I" to those around us and those in our lives will completely change the way we live; choosing to see the good in our days and in those around us.
If we live to be 70 years old (and if the math is correct), we will have spent 1,931,184,000 minutes on this earth. What will we have to show for those valuable minutes? Together, let's see the beauty, reach out to others, and make a difference in the world and in the lives of those around us.
May God bless your every minute!
Friendship
Friday, February 22, 2008
Friendship
Ah, friendship. It is what we long for and what we seek...true friendship. Webster's defines friendship as "the state of being friends." So, what does being friends mean? Again according to Webster's, it means "one attached to another by affection or esteem; friendly."
What does this really mean? In looking further into the definitions, we find that affection means "a moderate feeling or emotion; tender attachment" and esteem is defined as "the regard in whih one is held." Okay, how about friendly and companion? Friendly is defined as "cheerful, comforting, showing kindly interest and goodwill" while companion means "one that accompanies another; one that keeps company with another."
STOP!!!! What does all of this mean? Well, I think we can synthesize this down to one sentence. Friendship is the state of your heart connecting with another's. Hold on -- before you begin getting tense because that definition seems to simple, let's talk. I believe there are three things that effect the development of friendship.
First, you can intellectually know the definition of love, for example, but if you don't feel it in your heart you don't own it; it isn't yours. Likewise for friendship, you may be able to define it but if you don't feel it, it isn't yours.
I have met, in my life, some really incredible people. People who I would have loved to be friends with but no matter how much I worked to develop that "tender attachment" the relationship never moved past "companion." Why? Like the saying goes "it takes two to tango." I may have been working to move the relationship to a friendship but the other person was not, hence my heart was not making that connection with another's. Other times, both of us may have been working to make the connection but we weren't speaking the same language; our friendship styles were imcompatible.
Finally, each person puts different values into what friendship means. Personally, I think a friend must be trustworthy beyond reproach, among many other values. You may put emphasis on something else. This value emphasis will also effect whether or not the two hearts connect.
Once we understand these things and define what values we put upon our friendships, I believe we can then...and only then...have true friendships.
Wishing you true friendship!
Jo
Friendship
Ah, friendship. It is what we long for and what we seek...true friendship. Webster's defines friendship as "the state of being friends." So, what does being friends mean? Again according to Webster's, it means "one attached to another by affection or esteem; friendly."
What does this really mean? In looking further into the definitions, we find that affection means "a moderate feeling or emotion; tender attachment" and esteem is defined as "the regard in whih one is held." Okay, how about friendly and companion? Friendly is defined as "cheerful, comforting, showing kindly interest and goodwill" while companion means "one that accompanies another; one that keeps company with another."
STOP!!!! What does all of this mean? Well, I think we can synthesize this down to one sentence. Friendship is the state of your heart connecting with another's. Hold on -- before you begin getting tense because that definition seems to simple, let's talk. I believe there are three things that effect the development of friendship.
First, you can intellectually know the definition of love, for example, but if you don't feel it in your heart you don't own it; it isn't yours. Likewise for friendship, you may be able to define it but if you don't feel it, it isn't yours.
I have met, in my life, some really incredible people. People who I would have loved to be friends with but no matter how much I worked to develop that "tender attachment" the relationship never moved past "companion." Why? Like the saying goes "it takes two to tango." I may have been working to move the relationship to a friendship but the other person was not, hence my heart was not making that connection with another's. Other times, both of us may have been working to make the connection but we weren't speaking the same language; our friendship styles were imcompatible.
Finally, each person puts different values into what friendship means. Personally, I think a friend must be trustworthy beyond reproach, among many other values. You may put emphasis on something else. This value emphasis will also effect whether or not the two hearts connect.
Once we understand these things and define what values we put upon our friendships, I believe we can then...and only then...have true friendships.
Wishing you true friendship!
Jo
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