Friendship Authenticity

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Friendship Authenticity

Do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” (title, position, social status) or on “who they ARE” (values, beliefs, personality)? And how do they choose you?

Facebook has been a really fun way to connect with friends and reconnect with past acquaintances. A day or so ago, a high school friend commented on my status and shared with me that she is now a “Brand Strategist.” I was fascinated…never knew such a field existed. So, I sought to find out more and in doing so ran across this quote from her, which I love, and hope she doesn’t mind my borrowing for this note.

“I believe that authenticity connects a brand with its audiences. If, as a business, you know your own truth – your vision, your reason for being, your essence – and you do everything in a way that brings that truth to light, the right people will be attracted.” – Nila Neally, Certified Brand Strategist; Element Three

I love this quote for several reasons. One, because our institution is going through branding right now and this gets at the core of what we have been working for and two, as my brain was chugging away I began to see that this quote is very appropriate not just for businesses but for us as individuals. Bear with me please as it this aspect I want to write about. What is it that we all seek in our relationships? We seek friendship and partners that are genuine, faithful, and dependable. We seek legitimate relationships that validate us. We seek authenticity and only through it can we truly connect with another.

How then do we go about finding those authentic relationships? First, I believe we have to know who we truly are. We have to dig down through all the layers of our personality, experiences, beliefs, values, and preferences. We need to look at who we are when nobody is looking and find our truth. To go back to Neally’s quote, we have to find and know “(our) vision, (our) reason for being, (our) essence.” We may not like what we find there. If we don’t, then we have to change it or live with it. (Change is difficult and we face challenges in changing not only from within but from others who attempt to suppress change and growth. But that’s a topic for another day.)

Second, everything that we do should reflect that truth. It should reflect the essence of who we are. Regardless of where we are or who we are with, if we are being authentic our true essence will flow through. Do we pray when we eat at home with our families or are out with “church friends” but not if we are alone or with our “neighborhood friends?” Do we talk meanly about Jane Doe to those we pull close and call “Leadership” or our “BFF’s” and then preach/teach/say that this behavior is wrong and that we don’t participate in it? Do we cut others off in traffic and add a one finger salute and then complain about angry drivers aiding in the degradation of a once genteel society? Everything we do, when others are watching and when we are alone, should reflect the essence of who we are at our core.

Finally, I believe that essence will act as a magnet ---attracting the right people (Neally) and repelling the wrong people. Let’s be honest here, some relationships aren’t going to work. Take oil and water, they just don’t mix. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t have a symbiotic (cooperative) relationship. Consider again the oil and water, what is the best way to keep water from boiling over? Add oil. Perhaps not the strongest of examples, but you get the point.

Again I ask, do you choose your friends based on “WHO they are” or on “who they ARE”? And how do they choose you?

Be authentic and seek authenticity.

Blessings,
Jo