Forgive and Forget

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Forgive and Forget


"Forgive and Forget" and "Turn the other cheek" - we teach our kids these phrases from the time they are quite young as part of their social, spiritual, and personal development. As they get older, as good christians we teach them the steps for seeking forgiveness as outlined in the Bible. We tell them that it's important to seek forgiveness and important to forgive...and even that it's a difficult thing to do.

In going through a "forgive and forget" situation myself the past few years...yes, I said years...I have come to realize that we're missing a huge part of the process that needs to be taught: recognizing fault. I realized this while watching two of my daughters argue - one had taken and worn a shirt of the others without permission. Once caught the "borrower" knew that the situation required an apology in order to move on and not get into trouble. The word "sorry" slipped past her lips and that was that.

The "borrower" really wasn't sorry in this case for taking something that wasn't hers as evidenced by her taking hair clips the next day, though she may have been a bit sorry she had gotten caught. The daughter whose shirt had been taken didn't really forgive and forget as evidenced by it being brought up several more times over the following weeks.

How often do we utter the word "sorry" and not really mean it? Oh, we know it's expected and the situation requires it and that things will be okay if we do it...but we haven't really acknowledged or accepted responsibility for our actions. Can we truly be forgiven if we haven't truthfully acknowledged our wrong?

As a parent always seeking out those teachable moments, I realized that my childrens apologizes were only one word -- "sorry." So we chatted about this. In order to help them accept their responsibility, they need to say "I am sorry for...". Over the next week or so, I noticed the apologizes were "Sorry for...". I noted that they couldn't say "I'm" because they were not taking responsibility for their actions - again they were saying the words to be, in essence, socially acceptable.

It's hard to acknowledge our wrong doing and accept responsilibity but we can't grow if we don't do it. Nor can we or the offended party move on.


On the other side of this, as hard as it is to really recognize and admit your own wrong-doing, it's equally as difficult to actually forgive and forget the wrong. We may believe that we have forgiven and forgotten, but somewhere in the recesses of our mind the situation is stored and can be recalled in the snap of a finger without our even trying. While the scripture says that love keeps no record of wrongs -- our hard drives (our minds) do IF we haven't fully forgiven and forgotten.


So, how do we achieve this? I don't really know. But I believe that it starts with prayer and asking God to work with us on truly forgiving. To begin with, I think we have to achieve 100% forgiveness. This is hard because I believe that all of us have a tendency to hold on to a little piece of the hurt 'just in case" we might need it later on. How do we keep from holding on to that little piece? I don't know. I think that, perhaps, every time we recall that little piece we have to pray that God will show us why we are holding on to it and then show us how to give it to Him forever.

Once true and complete forgiveness has been achieved then I believe only God can help us forget. I believe we have to ask him to help us with this and really mean it we can't keep taking it back from Him. Give it to Him and leave it there.


I could be completely off track here...but these are my thoughts. I pray that God will help me to recognize my faults in the things I need to seek forgiveness for and I also pray that God will help those I have hurt to achieve 100% forgiveness and take the hurt from them. I also pray he will help me to truly forgive those that have wronged me and forget it so that we may all move on.


As always, where God is involved all things are possible.